Thursday, November 30, 2006
Think i went a little crazy on tues night.
I sat at a coffeeshop had my dinner at about 9 till 12 with 3 drinks in between.
Ah in case you need to know they were coke,kopi ice and voldka on the rocks!
Haha caught you, just joking the last one was ice lemon tea.
I sat there with my lovely PDA and started writing from about 10 till 12.
Just kept writing all the frustrations,questions,confusions.
Just a short excerpt of it:
What is life as i know it?Something to be lived or something to be conquered?Life as i know it is to be challenged,to jump from 1 adventure to the other. Slaying dragons and demons in my life,conquering each mountain in my way.Isn't all i ever wanted and have right in front of me to claim, then why do i've to think that i need to run away, have some life changing defining moment before everything will be different and i'll see that God's hand has all along been stretching out to me?Seriously went a bit nuts that night, sighz when one is too free, and sits down with a pen and paper in ur hand,things get a little out of hand,with a reflective mind like mine.
Couldn't sleep on tues night or wed morn, just kept thinking about stupid stuff, replaying imaginary scences over and over again.
Thank God i slept well yesterday 1st time i ever slept at 10pm.
Don't think i was depressed just despondent maybe?
Trying to grasp something beyond my reach or beyond my understanding.
Trying to make sense is a terrible thing,when you know the answer is to let go and trust.
As someone once said to be a Job not a Jonah!
Hmm i get into my reflective moods once in awhile, hiaz.
Maybe its my way of trying to make sure someone is listening and knows though i don't speak of it and smile and joke most days.
Maybe some day some one will answer my question:
"Why is the sky so high and so blue?"
without thinking i'm dumb or childish.
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josh out
@ |11:16 AM|
